I sat at home for 2 days and watched some web series on YouTube. They were the so called hood flicks. It wasn’t meant to be an experiment but when I realized what it was doing I made it that. As you all know the struggle is real in my life financial and mental. So after two days of hearing “get the bag” and hearing about a million gunshots over the bag. Guess what I started thinking about,you guessed it getting the bag. Yeah I damn near flipped out in the house thinking about what I didn’t have and felt I needed.
So you take a cup of negative influence a ounce of brokenness and 3/4 of a cup being desperate,put that in the heat and guess what you get? Some I’m a fuck my life up pie. Now who don’t over eat fresh pie,right that second slice damn near did me in. So I’m sitting in this one bedroom apartment by myself broke with to much time on my hands right. When you broke you looking for excuses to do dumb shit. So guess what this damn idiot box was telling me,you ain’t shit without that bag money. Had I not been to seven prisons over a twelve year span I would of been in all black laying in someone’s bushes.
But I’m glad I did that because you never know how close you are to crashing your life out without being at the edge. I lost all thoughts of building a corporate empire and was ready to trade it for a damn bag! Good thing I’m borderline genius,are like to think I am. But on a more serious level imagine what that can do to someone who has never experienced the consequences of those bag missions gone bad. Are someone who is still trying to find there identity in life. All I’m saying is be careful at what nutrients you feed your mind,that swine will poison any temple!
So I was with my bro the other day and we are completely opposite of each other. He was the working responsible guy. Well now he is married and living the dream that us so called street dudes seek so bad. Well I have to say it being in the presence of that scenario made me realize how much I need that. I used to be the one to say I will never get married and first to say fuck a bitch,excuse the language. But I have learned to understand that we said those things because we never thought we could obtain them. Plus most of us didn’t have that type of a foundation as we were growing up.
We took are broken home and made it a lifestyle of no love are responsibilities that the world loved. We all know the saying the grass is greener on the other side, that’s one of the realist things I ever heard. Because it seems that we all want what we can’t have. That’s probably one of the reasons sometimes we go on the youth. Who can say and watch someone take their place and not feel some type of way. Then comes the would of could of should of thoughts as we realize time has passed us on so many opportunities.
Real talk no one gets younger so please live it while you can because a mid life crisis can be destructive to your life. Sitting for years watching life pass you by,you might as well switch places with one of my guys who ain’t coming home. Bet they want fumble with that second chance if given it. So on that note I’m going to shine for those who can’t and hope those who can do the same for me
I drove by the Y.M.C.A today and when I saw the innocent look of happiness on the children’s faces I felt a small amount of jealousy. Don’t make that face like you don’t wish those days of no worries could spend the night with you. How many of us sit at home alone cause you know it don’t sound right for another adult asking you to stay the night,unless your planning on something that doesn’t fit this topic. The reason I had to run in and share this with everyone is because I was not having the best of days. But to see are future running around with those smiles that con con artists did just that to me. Guess what those smiles told me,”hey everything is going to be ok,just look at us.
That’s what I did too,I looked at the toothless smiles,the smiles with dimples. I swear that is a cheat code god encoded in some to melt hearts on the spot. Let’s do this real fast,close your eyes hold up your hands and think back. Think back to the age you still idolized your parents are older siblings. Remember a moment when they just rubbed your head as they were walking by and it made your day. Remember a time walking home and your mothers friend said “boy you are so handsome,you got all the lil girls don’t you. Is that the moment that made you feel like a princess are prince?
Well it may not be but what happened to us were we cannot find happiness with all the tools we hold. When letdowns seem to snatch years of your life,disappointment gives you ulcers and crows feet. FUCK I’m bout to find the secret to get that level of care free innocence back. Are do I want to have to go through the cold process of loosing that innocence all over again. Naw, I just keep learning to cope because when I lost my innocence I lost my mind,real talk!
One of the hardest things in life I ever had to face was the decision of either stay free and struggle till I make it. Are hop on the elevator with that bag and get there over night. Man this is a struggle to a well known idiot that loved and still loves the game. But any dude who has gave away a third are more of his life that will gamble with his freedom,is not someone you want around you. Was it me getting kinda sober,not honestly all the way yet. Are me realizing how much I hate jail,it was neither.
It was my legendary mother,my sister calls her praying are pimping Patricia triple P. This what she hit me with I’m old baby I don’t think I could make it if you left again. That with the fact I was gone when my Aunt,uncle,grandpa,and grandma passed kinda made me think a little bit more. I’m not going to lie I wake up in cold sweats grabbing my phone thinking about a sale. Sit and talk to my self for hours trying to find a reason to play freedom black jack. But here lately the thought of my favorite aunt(r.i.p) Brenda Kay screaming “Niki you know better “. Has been slapping the real reality out these big lips.
But to anybody else trying to go cold turkey,I send my prayers to you cause this is like getting off dog food. So pray for me and I will for you!!!
I hear everyone saying the struggle is real,and yes it is but some things are just life. Some of you all are making a mockery of those in a real struggle and it’s flat out sick. I can never forget the days when we never talked sports because the only shots any of us ever received were mug shots, are the ones that had families asking churches to hold a special offering to help pay for a funeral. And you might say Dominic you don’t have to worry about those things now. Yes I do because I spent some of the most important days of my life growing with guys who will never be able to go a day without standing on line for a count.
Half of the individuals who I played pencil break with have lead inside them,and some got buried from that lead. I feel we should be payed by the makers of GRAND THEFT AUTO because it displays the way we lived,yes we really lived like that. I can promise you most of us learned to drive by stealing someone’s car. A lot of us can’t treat a woman correctly because we learned to have sex with dope fiends in the trap house,imagine how many lost there virginity for a rock.
I never believed it when I was told over half of us would be dead are in jail, and fuck if I ain’t end up in that statistic. That’s why I try and speak for those in state greys are the grave. My class reunion could probably be held on the yard of a level 5. Can someone tell me how you explain to your homie that his lights are off because you was serving his mother,you brought Jordans with his bill money? I’m sorry y’all I done got to rambling about random stuff but it’s all real.
Before I get started on this I ask that you read this with an open mind for understanding. We all see the issues of police brutality in are communities everywhere. There is no way to ever say that is justifiably by standards around the world. But have you ever thought about the way things are going for the good cops. I can only understand this because it goes to the don’t let one bad apple spoil the bunch saying. Yeah I know it sounds crazy coming from a man who spent his whole life either ducking jail are in it.
So here is my reasoning behind this,I have a family full of women and children and I believe they need protection from people like me,are my self before my mental evolution. If you really lived in the streets then you live by the code of stitch lips,meaning never snitch. But what do you do when your on the receiving end of your child are mother being the victim of homicide? Would you say officers don’t do your job. Are compare it to this when racial profiling is used against us we know that the things a very small portion does gets the majority of us the same jacket. So no I’m not saying let off of them but do remember to judge every situation as it’s on.
How can you achieve success when you have no idea what it is. When you have been tricked into thinking sex,clothes,cars,and reality stars were the key to being successful. But that man up the street you perceived as washed and broke because his lifestyle was basic was giving you the key the whole time. When he would stop you and drop mental jewels on you that you thought were worthless,you thought he was a creep because he showed concern that you didn’t understand because nobody outside your household ever cared to acknowledge you.
You figured he was trying to sleep with your mom when he would drop off food and check up on you all. Not understanding that his payoff was helping build you up,not your mother are anyone else in your house. The wise always recognized the ones that will be influential in life, so they keep a close watch on them and try to make sure that influence is used in a positive way. But so many of us tend to not understand are purpose are calling in life,before others do. See that is one of the most important traits modesty, it’s what allows a millionaire to eat top ramen at a roach infested table with the have nots. And be comfortable enough to appreciate the taste.
Before I end this I want you all to take a look into my favorite number 8, the infinite everything. Then re-evaluate what is successful to you so your goals and life can compliment each other. On that note god bless and Respect the Reject.!