What would you say if i said we could restore the community with same people who destroyed it? Would you believe me are would you challenge me with your doubts. How about if I explained to you how if given a chance to, that the same dude who killed on his block would break his neck making sure his younger generation would never have to! Will you believe me when I tell you that the old lady raising all her grandchildren is doing it because she never stayed sober long enough to see her own kids? Check this out then, would you look at your preacher different if told you he used to be a pimp?
See when I told you we could help restore the community with the same ones who tore it down, I was serious. Matter of fact I was serious about everything I just said. See everyone has a past, a present and a future. Meaning what you were, what you are and what you will be are not the same. Evolution occurs in more places than you think, because we evolve. I call that M.O.S.E.S, my old self evolving slowly! So how about you guys help me not be a liar and we show that evolution and progress can change garbage into gold!
There is this feeling that you get when there is something big about to happen for you. You know how when you get that nervous feeling, your stomach is not quite bubbling but not being still either. You get this, is this real look about you. The matrix called life really feels like a movie and your eating sugar cookies with the Oricale. Doubt usually hides inside your heart and your the last to believe that you can be part of something so special. And if your like me you might try and sabotage it. But honestly when something is written in stone you cannot. As you watch your dreams unfold you start to realize that you are not even the most important role in this movie.
The stars are the people who you meet along your journey. The ones that play there position that helps place you into the role you play, the main character! See always remember you never gain stardom, you are appointed a star by those who surround you!!!!
Let me tell you about the day I committed suicide. It was a normal day in the life of the mislead, searching for purpose dreaming and lying to each other. So I was just driving around without a destination and started thinking. You know how that goes one thought turns into two thoughts and so on. Well guilt kicked down the door to reality and my consciousness started to assault me. I mean it beat my ass, called me a phony and a fake. Told me you ain’t a real one all you do is run around blind like you don’t see the things that are going on, are the part you play. Now you know me, I always have a response. Man get out my head with that non sense, this shit been going on so who am I to change it?
Well reality told me this, who are you, well you are one of the chosen. Remember the day the police got on you when you had them ounces of work in the car with bad tags. How about the day you popped to many pills and followed it up by putting a couple grams in your nose, remember that, your heart started screaming and you felt death grab ahold of you. Don’t forget the time you had a couple of dudes really trying to put that pencil lead in you! Well guess how you made it out of those situations?
See you have been trying to kill your self since you were like one! So I’m a ask you why? Well I guess it was because I’m kinda crazy. No, that was the devil trying to take out his competition, he knew you had purpose and might end up being a problem for him! So now I am stuck in that stupid mode, trying to make sense of this conversation. But just when I was about to argue my point guess what happened.
Reality said this to me, you need to kill your self! I’m serious too, but I’m not saying physically. I’m talking all that negativity and ignorance you hold on to. It has to die, because if it doesn’t it will eventually take your physical. See being gifted doesn’t mean shit if you don’t embrace it and use it for the purpose you were handed those gifts for. You and I both know that wasted talent and misused gifts are more common than Fords. So I need you to open your eyes, like really open them up. When you do that you will kill all of that trash that holds you down, and only then will you act like what you say you are! So when I really opened my eyes he was gone and I noticed my thoughts were a lil different, so that suicide mission there was much needed!!
Let’s take a break from the normal routine and do something a little different. I’m a need everyone to get relaxed and think for a second. Think back to the time you fell in love with the streets. The time you saw your idol and decided at that moment, that’s who you wanted to be when you grew up. How about the time when he approached you and asked you what was you doing out here? Told you that you was a smooth little dude, then hit you with that life changing question!
You want to make some money lil bro, I see you looking at these air max’s. Now pause that part and let’s rewind again. Go back to age five are six. Kindergarten are first grade, when you still had some innocence in your life. Remember your teacher asking you what you wanted to be when you grew up! Now let’s be honest about this, the answer most gave was one of the five. A professional athlete, a doctor, a firefighter are a cop are teachers.
Now let’s fast forward to high school after you made that encounter I spoke about earlier. Now what we wanted to be changed drastically, we hated the police and looked at teachers like they were the police. You never grew past 5″ 7 so any sport is out the question for your uncoordinated ass. So most of us made that choice, we really was looking at them air max’s. So guess what we did traded in are faith for fashion! Now I’m skip forward a few more years and after a few growing pains and life lessons. You finally graduate from the school of hard knocks and and start figuring it out.
Then one day while getting dressed you notice something that blew your mind. Those same air max that dude had on when he approached you, you just put them deals on your feet. Nike just re released them, triggers come from every where, damn!
Guess what everyone, I never attended the prom. Never attended any homecoming dances are games. I missed damn near every family reunion and function for about 15 years. I forgot everyone’s birthday and missed weddings and funerals! But guess what I never missed, a chance to get my nose filthy. Never missed a day on the block, rain sleet, snow are hail. Never missed a yard call are a chicken patty day on my iron vacations.
I never missed a chance to dive in raw on a female I wouldn’t recognize if she moved in with me. Basically I’m saying I never missed a chance to pick up them dice and gamble with a few years of my life. Play blackjack with my health, are Texas hold’em with the law. So nowadays I never miss a chance to try encourage someone are lift the spirits of someone going through the same struggle I am, the one called reality. 👌👌👌
I realized a couple things about what happens to you in life when progress occurs. You grow, you change and you usually fight the change and then you realize you not only want the change but need it! Sometimes you sat and think about old days and the things you feel your going to miss, until you encounter some of those things and quickly understand why there old things. Especially when the things that your leaving behind are the same ones that left you with some not so good memories. It’s crazy tho because as an adult change is probably the equivalent to a baby teething.
Add in the fact that your change might involve a path that you have no prior experience in. A lifestyle that you never even realized existed until mother reality grabbed you by the face and made you look at it. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of playing a one man chess game with my self. You know, having that mental royal rumble with all the doubts and fears that you poses. And the process of being stripped of all the negative thinking patterns and habits that keep you in that negative mindset. Is worse than that time in second grade when someone pulled your pants down in front of your crush. We all know when we was young that was the ultimate embarrassment. So guess what, I think my last tooth just came in and I’m ready for solid food!
A generation of kids without parents is being raised these days. No I’m not saying that nobody’s raising their children, but I’m saying that a good portion of us try and gain acceptance from are children. You know like trying to be friends with them, allowing them to hold things over your head because you want them to love you. Now I’m not even a good parent, but I know that you liking me should be the one thing I could care less about. As long as I’m keeping you from falling down the life stairs and bumping your head, that’s is my main objective, correct?
I was the poster boy for the missing parent foundation. All ways in jail are the streets, and even when I was able to be around… probably wasn’t someone I wanted to present to my namesake! So when I was finally able to try and connect that huge gap in are relationship bridge, I was not reaching for a parent role but seeking the acceptance of friends. Like so many of us who were M.I.A we pop up and try to make up for lost time. I tried that and became the victim to extortion, yes its extortion when you allow someone to hold something over your head for there reasons. Not saying that it’s meant like that, but a parent has a job to do.
When the people who are supposed to teach you lose focus and instead of teaching seek acceptance roles become reversed. We all scream and holler about the lack of respect in our youth, guess what? Why should they respect you when all they have to do is make you feel bad about a mistake you have made. So to finally get to the point of all this, I’m starting the new year with this mind set. You don’t have to be my friend just understand I’m trying to keep you from becoming me!!!!
I woke up this morning and had to just thank god that Im able to have peace. I think that is one of the most unapriciated things alot of us have we dont ackowledge in this world. I am not waking up for a count are another man saying he has to use the rest room. If you have never been incarcirated you might not understand that last sentence,and thats a blessing you might never comprehend it totaly. Just like i can never really understand a single mothers qust for peace. I, as a man with children sometimes focus on my selfish wants and bias thoughts forget the constant need a child has for their parent. Some wom an may feel I have a double standerd way of thinking but i say its just the symptoms of being raised by a strong woman. She set the standerds so highe that It made me feel all women should walk in her shoes and follow her path, mabey she could teach a class.
All women should understand this, coming from a male who is still amazed at the natural instincs a mother posseses. We spend nine months are so living inside you sucking life from you,sometimes sucking your health and beauty. Then you have to spend the next 4-5 years consatanly watching us and sacrificing every free moment to teach us how to grow. We will mimick every thing we see you do and repeat every word we hear you say. So when you start to feel as if the man has it to easy because you are doin the bigger part of the parents. Look at it like this, you have the starting role in a major movie calle life. That will gain you something bigger than a grammy are millions, its called love and loyalty with admiration. So realize you are a mega star to the person it maters most your future!!!
Let me share with you the one benefit from being a well known fuck up,…you learn. Yes you learn a whole lot, but it comes with a fairly high price and a few knots on your head. Not to mention the embarrassing moments and days of feeling lost. Oh hold up I forgot there is another benefit, it’s called self knowledge mixed with true confidence. The kind you can only attain by knowing a situation isn’t as bad as you think. Are knowing what you will and won’t do when it comes down to it.
See some of us known fuck ups have a tendency to worry about what others are going to say about you. Guess what, that feeling leaves after a couple of mistakes and you are more worried about lunch than the opinion of a critic. When you reach that level just know you are making progress in your self esteem. But when you reach the I can shrug my shoulders and say oh well, God loves me and my mother told me I’m handsome level! You have probably surpassed your critics and on your way to a I LOVE MY SELF way of thinking!!!!
I heard something today that grabbed my soul by the throat! I was on my way home grooving to Miguel’s War & Leisure track number 12. When he said you can judge a mans integrity by the way he treats those he doesn’t need in his life. Now I was amazed that such a strong statement came from an R&B song, then I had to analyze the way I treated those types of people. Now we all know how people treat you when they need you, like royalty! Bro I love you, are you a real ass dude that’s why I rock with you.
So know I’m sitting here really thinking about how I treat people that have no meaning to me. You know like random people I bump into in stores and other situations. Now I’m not trying to brag, but I treat everyone like royalty, because I feel like we all are! Plus I remember times I was in a bad place in life and someone flipped me out of it with a simple gesture of love. So I try and pray daily that I can help someone else like that. Now before I end this I suggest that you evaluate the way you treat those people you don’t even know, then ask your self do you want to be treated like that?
Let me tell you a story about the Big Bang theory. Well way back in the day the planets and the sun and the moon used to hang with each other. They had a lil clique called the solar boys and the sun was the leader. Everyone was winning, mars and the earth was like brothers and Pluto was everyone’s baby bro. Them guys was the real deal they used to have a bond that gravity couldn’t break. But guess what could and would break that bond, you guessed it a female!
In every circle there’s a star and the sun was the star in the Solar Boys. Mars and the Sun were best friends, any time you seen the Sun you saw Mars. But Mars always used to say that the Moon was hating on the Sun, the Sun used to be like that’s bro man you tripping leave dude alone. So one day Saturn had a lil function and invited his half sister Venus. The function was live, they were having the time of their lives. As usual Sun was shining extra hard and had his eyes on Venus when Moon started showing what Mars was talking about. He pulled Venus off to the side and started in with some legendary hate! Not knowing Venus was a thorough chick and didn’t like suckers. So she tells Saturn and he pulled up on Pluto to see if lil bro could kill the drama before it started.
But I forgot to tell you all Pluto was a real gangster with a lil mans complex! So Earth notices Pluto mugging Moon and asks Mars what’s cracking! When the Sun slides off with Venus to go get some more drink all hell broke loose. Pluto had went and grabbed his thump thang and told Mars what was up. That’s all Mars needed, he had been waiting for the day he get rid of the Moons shade! So the Moon sensed his hate was the object of the tension he felt. So he started leaving as the Sun and Venus were pulling up and Pluto, Mars, Earth and Saturn came out to. Uranus was just know pulling up to the function, late as usual. When Pluto living up to his nickname Thumper, let it ring out BANG! That’s how it happened I tell you !!!!
I have a confession to make to the world! I’m a addict,I have pre marital sex ,I’ve made children out of wedlock. I have lustful thoughts, I curse, I drink and I’m known to get money out the streets! But guess what else I do, I love the lord I love my family and I have a pure heart and would go to Mars and battle a Martian for one of mines! I’m serious tho, so stop laughing at me. I’m telling you this because I don’t want to say that I was once you! Because I am you and always will be!
So people of the church quit making us who have just as much faith as you and maybe more feel like SHIT because we enjoy some of are fleshy desires. Because you have more discipline than me does not make you more holly! Show me we’re it says in any holy book that I cannot be a child of the lord because I stumble from time to time? And no this is not a attack on the churches, this is a plea for understanding? Because if you make us feel bad are like We are walking on egg shells YOU will never be able to reach US!
If you was walking down the street and tripped and fell what would you do? Get up off the ground and dust off your Polo right? Well that’s what you do when you get off the road to achievement. It’s never too far away from you, so act like you playing hop scotch and hop back in the game. Embarrassments can make you think less off your self when your self expectations are high. The trick to beat that issue is this, being able to laugh at yourself. Yes it’s simple math, humor take away pain equals what? A piece of mind and a humble heart that lets you grow in life.
How did I come up with this equation, well probably from being a goofy dude that’s always crashing but never quitting! I’m still dusting off dirt from the nineties and accumulating more daily. So I’m a finish this so I can dust off last nights mistakes, I catch you all later,and please don’t forget to laugh and live and try again!